Hello Runners and Happy Holidays!
It’s time for Santa to reveal his annual Nice and Naughty List. As Santa’s favorite elf, I’m just here to pass along the report so you’re prepared for whatever comes (or doesn’t come) your way on Christmas Day!
While most people strive to be on the Nice List, Mike and Jeremy make it their mission to be on the Naughty List. Rarely do they fail at this pursuit, so I’ll go ahead and put them out of their misery and confirm that they have indeed made the Naughty List this year. I’ll share a little supporting evidence because sharing it all would take way too long!
Mike - If a conversation can go off the rails, Mike will find a way. I’m thinking of stretchy jeans and leggings, drowned rats and wet t-shirts, and bent carrots. What sealed the deal; however, was when he didn’t celebrate my 100th run on the night I made the Century Club. It’ll take a looonnnnggg time for him to reconcile that!
Jeremy - Brought “old people candy” on his birthday. Ick! (And we’re not old!! I don’t even know who he brought it for?!) He can run a 5K faster in a turkey suit than I can on my best day. On a Saturday in September, he ran with Vinny, and we haven’t seen Vinny since?! It might be time to file a missing person report and have Jeremy brought in for questioning.
The jury is still out on Sara and Larry. They kidnapped Dick in August and dragged him on a Saturday morning walk. A kidnapping is usually grounds for Naughty List, but Dick has stayed around and has become a permanent fixture in the running group. For that, they are still being considered for the Nice List. Santa might have to make a game time decision on this one. Sara and Larry, I can plead your case (for a price, of course!).
With that first Saturday morning walk in August, Dick started at the bottom of the attendance list. Since then, he’s advanced to 6th place hurdling over nearly 20 people to get there. That’s quite a feat that certainly earns him a spot on the Nice List (and the fact that he didn’t press charges against Sara and Larry for kidnapping!).
Most know that we have a fun tradition that has the birthday boy or girl bringing treats on their own birthday to share with the rest of the group. Depending on the quality of your treats (This is key! See note on Jeremy above.), this is often an automatic spot on the Nice List. Those who brought “Nice List worthy” treats were Tammy (salted caramel truffles), Trevor (Little Debbie birthday bars), Elaine (more salted caramel goodies), Leann (full size candy bars).
Steve and Mrs. Hunton - Retirees who should, but apparently don’t, have enough time to join the running group go straight to the Naughty List.
On the other hand, Lynn (who works a bazillion hours) found time to show up for a couple of runs this year. It was nice to see her so her name ended up on the Nice List.
Britney and Kyle - Although they didn’t often come together, they are a package deal this year that landed on the Nice List. Britney for shaming (kindly, I’m sure!) Kyle to get his butt to a few runs and Kyle for coming on some key days like his birthday (with treats, of course!) and a holiday (4th of July).
If your name is not listed above, keep reading. You’re not out of the woods just yet.
If your name is not on the 2022 Attendance List, I must inform you that you are securely on the Naughty List. (I don’t think I need to explain why.)
If your name IS on the 2022 Attendance List, Santa is still taking your status under consideration (and I’m still taking bribes!). You know how it goes, “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”? Well, he also sees you on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday and knows what you’re doing at run time. Sooo…only you and he know if you have a good excuse not to be joining us?!
That’s all for me. Now it’s up to you! You have one week to get your um, stuff, together ;-)
Santa’s Favorite Elf (who is always on the Nice List!)
P.S. Bribes can be paid in the form of chocolate (Reese’s if you want your case taken seriously).
